I am copying and pasting this old email/reflection below from three years ago, when I was still in Chicago and in the midst of many transitions. I will type a short note at the end for updates/changes mentioned in the email since then. This email is sprinkled with bits of gratitude.
Hi people I love!!
I hope you are all well! I have not-so-good, good, and great news to share! Ready for a long email??
Shall we start from the bottom? :) In relation to my health, only a small number of you are aware that I have lupus and fibromyalgia, that I've managed it seemingly well since I was diagnosed two years ago, and that I was hospitalized the past two days. Just this past week, I experienced a rather scary symptom of right sided numbness that started last Sunday, which I wrote off as sleeping on it for too long the previous night, then thought it to be Bells palsy the next two days, was soon advised by my sweetie to get it checked out... then I finally freaked and thought that I suffered a stroke. Those of you who know me well know that I'm rather resistant to see an MD. I called an RN hotline, broke down and cried over the possible seriousness of it, and received the final push to hit the ER sooner rather than later, being this past Thursday night. The RN suggested I call an ambulance right away. Being perfectly ambulatory though in tears, I walked to the local hospital two blocks away, while talking with my sweetie. I was immediately placed on a cardiac monitor because of the possibility of a stroke or bleed and my risk of clots with the lupus then moved pretty quickly to be watched by the nurse's station. My labs and vital signs were stable and the CT of the head was negative, so they wanted to observe me overnight and have an MRI of the brain the next day. The MRI suggested possible multiple sclerosis, so I had more testing done today and I'll follow up in clinic with both a neurologist and rheumatologist. I'm on steroids to help with the facial numbness and I'm almost able to feel my face again. :) So thank God!
I'll split the "good" news into two pieces, regarding being an RN. First off, so this hospitalization caused me to better place myself in the shoes of my patients... the daily blood draws, the waiting for lab results, for the nurse's aid to bring ice water, scans to be completed, attempting to sleep comfortably with a telemetry monitor attached to my chest and an IV in the bend of my arm, different people coming into your room with not so much warning but a quick knock on the door, for the news of the unknown and not knowing how to best treat it initially... Loss of control in so many aspects. But you also find out just how many people care about you. I received phone calls from friends and families and visits from locals, realizing yet again just how blessed I am. :) And my sweetie spent hours on the road to come be with me. :) The second piece of good news in relation to RN status, is that three months ago, I took the Oncology Certified Nursing exam. I was pleasantly surprised at the end of the test when the four beautiful letters P-A-S-S popped up on the screen. My mouth did indeed drop open, as I struggled through that exam. I guess I could add three more letters to the end of my signature if I so choose. But again, thanks be to God!
And of course we save the best for last of the most exciting news ever. :) I have met and fallen for Russ, the love of my life. He proposed last month in the chapel (in the presence of Christ!) at Bethlehem Farm in southern WV and I of course said yes. :) ( please email if interested in details of the proposal story) We'll be married on May 2, 2009 at Wheeling Jesuit's chapel. He lives and works at the farm, hosting volunteer groups to do home repair and other service projects, promoting sustainability, leading them in prayer and reflection throughout their week here. His work gives him so much energy and adds a lot of meaning to life. He lives in community with 5 amazing people, and we are planning to live in community after we are married. I hit on him at the Bethlehem Farm fundraiser here in Chicago a year ago. While I was initially resistant to long distance dating, a couple months after meeting, we were crazy about each other and fell deeply in love with one another. I have dreamed this kind of love, this kind of gentleman into being. He is all this and more. And again, I am filled with gratitude to God.
In summary, two things have hit me in relation to my faith. First, so when the neurologist called Friday night and shared the MRI result of white spots on my brain, I was okay with it. I already had it in my head that whether it shows to be normal or abnormal, to accept it, knowing that I'd have no power to change it. The first principle and foundation of Ignatian spirituality has been resonating in my heart and mind for awhile... the whole concept of not fixing our desires on the good or the bad, health or sickness, wealth or poverty, a long life or short one, for all things have the potential of calling us into deeper relationship with God. Being hospitalized, I was recently struck once again by the many ways God comes to nurture our faith in any situation. The second piece is just on love. I touched on it a bit earlier, but I've never felt such unconditional concrete love for/from another until there was and is Russ. His love still blows me away and I find myself in tears at times by his incredible love for me and for others. While inpatient, I couldn't help but find myself looking ahead to the future particularly on our wedding day, when we'll profess that we'll be true to each other "in sickness or in health." He's been so supportive with my chronic illnesses and I find myself in disbelief that this amazing guy would drive hundreds of miles, spending hours on the road just to spend time with me post my hospitalization. How did I end up being this lucky, this blessed?? God. :)
Anyhoo, enough for now. I would love to hear updates from each of you!! Hope life is treating you well!!
Love and prayers,
Rochelle
Addendum: So the lupus was actually ruled out. I believe the fibromyalgia to be false, or maybe I just have a high pain tolerance and this ongoing tendency to be in denial. I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis in February 2008 and took Copaxone shots to help treat it for about three years. Now, the MS is being managed by alternative, more holistic ways. I will give endless kudos to my husband, who reminds me "that he saved my life. " ;) I do admit that he is my godsend.
Russ and I didn't actually live in community at the farm, which still worked out for the best. A good friend once told me, "We make plans, and God laughs." We recently celebrated our two year anniversary and will finally be going on our honeymoon in a little over a week. I will add pieces to the story sometime in the future.
Friday, May 6, 2011
Thursday, April 21, 2011
"Being Fat in America"
I've been meaning to post this link for some time now. For those of you who know me, I enjoy promoting a healthy lifestyle, whether it be with friends, family, co-workers, patients. Working on a cardiac step down unit, I half joke that I too follow the diet most of our patients are on, the Cardiac Diet, which generally consists of low salt, low fat, no caffeine. I make it known that everyone should attempt to follow this diet, if not an even more specialized diet if a person happens to have diabetes, renal issues, immune system problems, like myself, etc. They all know that I keep a small stash of walnuts and dark chocolates nearby as my snack. And the majority of the staff know that my wonderful chef of a husband cooks very well for me. Food that is organic and local and yummy! While we do cheat and eat non-organic foods when we go to a restaurant, we make a pretty good attempt at eating healthy most of the time.
Knowing that I am a nurse and that following a good diet is essential for us all, Russ shared this article entitled "Being Fat in America" with me. John Robbins, the author, contrasts the stories of two obese young people our age. At first, I was appalled that a restaurant called the Heart Attack Grill could even be in existence. The poster child for that restaurant died early last month. While not from a heart attack, he died of complications from pneumonia, one being the obvious co-morbidity of being obese. The second part of the article shares the story of a young obese woman, who followed a diet quite the opposite of what is offered at the Heart Attack Grill. She provides redemption and hope for all those who struggle with obesity. How could one not be inspired?
Knowing that I am a nurse and that following a good diet is essential for us all, Russ shared this article entitled "Being Fat in America" with me. John Robbins, the author, contrasts the stories of two obese young people our age. At first, I was appalled that a restaurant called the Heart Attack Grill could even be in existence. The poster child for that restaurant died early last month. While not from a heart attack, he died of complications from pneumonia, one being the obvious co-morbidity of being obese. The second part of the article shares the story of a young obese woman, who followed a diet quite the opposite of what is offered at the Heart Attack Grill. She provides redemption and hope for all those who struggle with obesity. How could one not be inspired?
Friday, April 1, 2011
The flu details
Enduring the flu was a significant cross this Lent, which gave me an early glimpse into Easter.
About three weeks ago, I thought I was coming down with the classic cold, with my sniffles and sneezes after working my usual 4 ten hour shifts. I always complain of fatigue on Friday, though in retrospect, the fatigue did seem to weigh on me more than my typical Friday fatigue. Russ, my husband, and I have started to make Friday evenings our "date night." Instead of going out that evening as usual, I made a special request for takeout from the Mexican restaurant in town.
Those who are close to me know that I am cold-natured. Even in the summertime, I keep a blanket nearby. I complained of feeling much "colder" than usual at bedtime. My doting husband of course draped my favorite blanket over me that night. Two hours later, I woke up sweating. It did occur to me that I actually had chills, and just sweated out my unacknowledged fever. But I was in denial and only cared to sleep.
That Saturday, a dry cough was added to my growing list of symptoms. In the morning, I found a tussin gel cap in our medicine drawer and popped in the last one. I talked to a couple girlfriends on the phone, attempted sleep, and drank plenty of orange juice, water, and green tea. Russ and I were planning on going to a close friend's birthday gathering that night, but I didn't want to expose my sick self to friends. We decided to skip out on mass that night also. Feeling as sick as I did, I would not have wanted to sit beside me at church.
Russ made our weekly Kroger run without me that evening. I made a couple requests to pick up chicken broth and more tussin caps for this annoying cough. My ever-loving husband was clearly concerned about me. He asked the Kroger pharmacist if his wife was pregnant, is Robitussin safe to take? He was told not so much. He called to notify me. I rolled my eyes and grudgingly agreed. While we were no longer avoiding pregnancy, it was too early to tell if there could be a little bun in the oven.
I struggled to take a nap with this constant cough and general achiness while he was away. I began feeling pretty cold again. I finally used the thermometer for the official fever read of 102.1. I groaned and went back to the medicine drawer for Tylenol this time. My heart rate is normally in the 60's, but when I checked my own vitals, my pulse was in the high 90's. I could no longer say it was just a cold.
Russ offered to take me to the ER, but I used the excuse of feeling too sick to go (where sick people should go), but I would be open to going to an urgent care clinic the next day. So we went that Sunday morning. The dry cough was as annoying as ever and the rapid flu swab showed that I had influenza A. Because of the possibility of being pregnant, I was denied Tamiflu, the drug of choice for the flu. The nurse practitioner recommended drinking plenty of fluids, getting lots of rest, and taking Tylenol should I spike another fever.
I did take my flu shot in the fall and will continue to every year, no matter what the doubters say. The shot doesn't catch every string of the flu unfortunately. But I take it to protect the patients and myself. And with this so-called diagnosis of multiple sclerosis, I will take it yearly to decrease the risk of relapses.
With spiking fevers twice a day, the never-ending cough, fatigue, and achiness, I did feel hopelessly miserable. I wondered if I would ever feel better and pick myself off the couch. Perhaps I should have gone to the ER and received a liter bolus for my dehydration. I was truly sick. I also felt guilty for not being at work, but had to remind myself why I shouldn't expose my flu to healthy co-workers nor the already sick patients on the floor. My self-quarantine was doing my immediate world a favor, except my husband, who was exposed to my germs daily in our small apartment.
I regretted not asking the nurse practitioner for a prophylactic Tamiflu prescription for Russ. I did not want Russ to feel what I was experiencing. I couldn't help but think how easy it would be to obtain a prescription for him from almost any one of the doctors at work. I called into my husband's doctor's office and made my plea on the answering machine. I was pleasantly surprised to hear back directly from his doctor that afternoon. I was more than grateful for his genuine kindness and concern.
I can't pinpoint the exact moment when I started to be lifted out of my misery either by late Wednesday or Thursday. Knowing that Russ would be better protected by taking Tamiflu certainly helped. My temperatures were not so high. I was gaining some energy back. The West Wing and Everybody Loves Raymond had me smiling. A couple friends were checking in to see how I was doing. Russ had set up the humidifier daily. I couldn't believe how grateful I was for a productive cough toward the end of this bout of flu and the eventual reality that this sickness would end.
By that following Monday, I went to work with a renewed sense of a blessed life and gratitude for good health and a husband who genuinely loves me. As if I had risen to new life, I felt like a brand new person and shared it with whoever I encountered. I actually realized and admitted that I love my job. While some days are challenging, what job doesn't have its graces and challenges? I could not stop expressing the love and appreciation I felt toward my co-workers. That Monday was my Easter.
About three weeks ago, I thought I was coming down with the classic cold, with my sniffles and sneezes after working my usual 4 ten hour shifts. I always complain of fatigue on Friday, though in retrospect, the fatigue did seem to weigh on me more than my typical Friday fatigue. Russ, my husband, and I have started to make Friday evenings our "date night." Instead of going out that evening as usual, I made a special request for takeout from the Mexican restaurant in town.
Those who are close to me know that I am cold-natured. Even in the summertime, I keep a blanket nearby. I complained of feeling much "colder" than usual at bedtime. My doting husband of course draped my favorite blanket over me that night. Two hours later, I woke up sweating. It did occur to me that I actually had chills, and just sweated out my unacknowledged fever. But I was in denial and only cared to sleep.
That Saturday, a dry cough was added to my growing list of symptoms. In the morning, I found a tussin gel cap in our medicine drawer and popped in the last one. I talked to a couple girlfriends on the phone, attempted sleep, and drank plenty of orange juice, water, and green tea. Russ and I were planning on going to a close friend's birthday gathering that night, but I didn't want to expose my sick self to friends. We decided to skip out on mass that night also. Feeling as sick as I did, I would not have wanted to sit beside me at church.
Russ made our weekly Kroger run without me that evening. I made a couple requests to pick up chicken broth and more tussin caps for this annoying cough. My ever-loving husband was clearly concerned about me. He asked the Kroger pharmacist if his wife was pregnant, is Robitussin safe to take? He was told not so much. He called to notify me. I rolled my eyes and grudgingly agreed. While we were no longer avoiding pregnancy, it was too early to tell if there could be a little bun in the oven.
I struggled to take a nap with this constant cough and general achiness while he was away. I began feeling pretty cold again. I finally used the thermometer for the official fever read of 102.1. I groaned and went back to the medicine drawer for Tylenol this time. My heart rate is normally in the 60's, but when I checked my own vitals, my pulse was in the high 90's. I could no longer say it was just a cold.
Russ offered to take me to the ER, but I used the excuse of feeling too sick to go (where sick people should go), but I would be open to going to an urgent care clinic the next day. So we went that Sunday morning. The dry cough was as annoying as ever and the rapid flu swab showed that I had influenza A. Because of the possibility of being pregnant, I was denied Tamiflu, the drug of choice for the flu. The nurse practitioner recommended drinking plenty of fluids, getting lots of rest, and taking Tylenol should I spike another fever.
I did take my flu shot in the fall and will continue to every year, no matter what the doubters say. The shot doesn't catch every string of the flu unfortunately. But I take it to protect the patients and myself. And with this so-called diagnosis of multiple sclerosis, I will take it yearly to decrease the risk of relapses.
With spiking fevers twice a day, the never-ending cough, fatigue, and achiness, I did feel hopelessly miserable. I wondered if I would ever feel better and pick myself off the couch. Perhaps I should have gone to the ER and received a liter bolus for my dehydration. I was truly sick. I also felt guilty for not being at work, but had to remind myself why I shouldn't expose my flu to healthy co-workers nor the already sick patients on the floor. My self-quarantine was doing my immediate world a favor, except my husband, who was exposed to my germs daily in our small apartment.
I regretted not asking the nurse practitioner for a prophylactic Tamiflu prescription for Russ. I did not want Russ to feel what I was experiencing. I couldn't help but think how easy it would be to obtain a prescription for him from almost any one of the doctors at work. I called into my husband's doctor's office and made my plea on the answering machine. I was pleasantly surprised to hear back directly from his doctor that afternoon. I was more than grateful for his genuine kindness and concern.
I can't pinpoint the exact moment when I started to be lifted out of my misery either by late Wednesday or Thursday. Knowing that Russ would be better protected by taking Tamiflu certainly helped. My temperatures were not so high. I was gaining some energy back. The West Wing and Everybody Loves Raymond had me smiling. A couple friends were checking in to see how I was doing. Russ had set up the humidifier daily. I couldn't believe how grateful I was for a productive cough toward the end of this bout of flu and the eventual reality that this sickness would end.
By that following Monday, I went to work with a renewed sense of a blessed life and gratitude for good health and a husband who genuinely loves me. As if I had risen to new life, I felt like a brand new person and shared it with whoever I encountered. I actually realized and admitted that I love my job. While some days are challenging, what job doesn't have its graces and challenges? I could not stop expressing the love and appreciation I felt toward my co-workers. That Monday was my Easter.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Too good not to watch
Last week, my spirits soared when I came across this NPR article prior to going into work. I could not stop smiling and singing the catchy tune all day to myself, and soon shared it with others. I proceeded to obsessively watch the YouTube video a few times a day for the next couple days. Basically, it is the most refreshing response to racism that I have ever seen. How often is hate overcome by humor, wit, and creativity?
Please read the article, watch the YouTube video, and judge for yourself. And here is a follow-up, if you happen to become as obsessed as me.
I would like to close this post with a very special ching chong to my dear husband. :)
Please read the article, watch the YouTube video, and judge for yourself. And here is a follow-up, if you happen to become as obsessed as me.
I would like to close this post with a very special ching chong to my dear husband. :)
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
We Are Called
This statement has popped up in the last week at least three times.
The first time occurred at work when I was speaking with a PCA (patient care assistant) early last week. I could not stop verbally appreciating the apparent hard work and dedication of a few co-workers in caring for the patients. In front of the nurse's station, I told this PCA, "We are called to greatness!" He smiled and thought otherwise. I also smiled and stood firm by my statement. Whether we answer that call or not is up to each of us. I was quietly reminded by my Catholic side that we are called to be saints.
This past weekend at mass, the closing hymn was "We Are Called" by David Haas. Sing it with me now! It was seemingly the most frequent song we sang at the Wheeling Jesuit masses. Ah, the memories. While I used to roll my eyes with my girlfriends in the choir back then, I can't deny that this song will forever bring joy to me.
The last time this key phrase was mentioned happened yet again at work by the same PCA at the same place at the nurse's station, where the first conversation took place exactly a week prior. He was the one that now said to me, "Didn't you say that we are all called to greatness?" I was quietly surprised that he remembered this short conversation last week, but grateful that he realizes the importance to go beyond being good. To go the extra mile. To give it our 110%. To treat each patient as if they were our own spouse, mother, father, grandmother, brother, best friend. To be great caregivers for these sick patients.
I like to frequently recognize and thank my co-workers for their hard work and excellent patient care when it's apparent. It's part of my own call.
The first time occurred at work when I was speaking with a PCA (patient care assistant) early last week. I could not stop verbally appreciating the apparent hard work and dedication of a few co-workers in caring for the patients. In front of the nurse's station, I told this PCA, "We are called to greatness!" He smiled and thought otherwise. I also smiled and stood firm by my statement. Whether we answer that call or not is up to each of us. I was quietly reminded by my Catholic side that we are called to be saints.
This past weekend at mass, the closing hymn was "We Are Called" by David Haas. Sing it with me now! It was seemingly the most frequent song we sang at the Wheeling Jesuit masses. Ah, the memories. While I used to roll my eyes with my girlfriends in the choir back then, I can't deny that this song will forever bring joy to me.
The last time this key phrase was mentioned happened yet again at work by the same PCA at the same place at the nurse's station, where the first conversation took place exactly a week prior. He was the one that now said to me, "Didn't you say that we are all called to greatness?" I was quietly surprised that he remembered this short conversation last week, but grateful that he realizes the importance to go beyond being good. To go the extra mile. To give it our 110%. To treat each patient as if they were our own spouse, mother, father, grandmother, brother, best friend. To be great caregivers for these sick patients.
I like to frequently recognize and thank my co-workers for their hard work and excellent patient care when it's apparent. It's part of my own call.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
The first post
Once upon a time, I used to keep a daily "Dear God" journal written in my left-handed chicken scratch. But thanks to computers and the beauty of backspace, it seems as though I can better chart my thoughts via online journal. I have pondered starting a blog for sometime. Why not tonight, mid-Lent? I have given up my addiction to Facebook and have found worthier places to spend my time on the internet, ie NPR and The Huffington Post.
An article I came across this past weekend touches on gratitude, which is the constant state I feel I am in, especially after my miserable bout of influenza A recently. I do hope and plan to share that which has touched me and affected my life thus far, big and small things. Nothing spectacular with this first post, just simply grateful for a blessed life.
An article I came across this past weekend touches on gratitude, which is the constant state I feel I am in, especially after my miserable bout of influenza A recently. I do hope and plan to share that which has touched me and affected my life thus far, big and small things. Nothing spectacular with this first post, just simply grateful for a blessed life.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)