I am copying and pasting this old email/reflection below from three years ago, when I was still in Chicago and in the midst of many transitions. I will type a short note at the end for updates/changes mentioned in the email since then. This email is sprinkled with bits of gratitude.
Hi people I love!!
I hope you are all well! I have not-so-good, good, and great news to share! Ready for a long email??
Shall we start from the bottom? :) In relation to my health, only a small number of you are aware that I have lupus and fibromyalgia, that I've managed it seemingly well since I was diagnosed two years ago, and that I was hospitalized the past two days. Just this past week, I experienced a rather scary symptom of right sided numbness that started last Sunday, which I wrote off as sleeping on it for too long the previous night, then thought it to be Bells palsy the next two days, was soon advised by my sweetie to get it checked out... then I finally freaked and thought that I suffered a stroke. Those of you who know me well know that I'm rather resistant to see an MD. I called an RN hotline, broke down and cried over the possible seriousness of it, and received the final push to hit the ER sooner rather than later, being this past Thursday night. The RN suggested I call an ambulance right away. Being perfectly ambulatory though in tears, I walked to the local hospital two blocks away, while talking with my sweetie. I was immediately placed on a cardiac monitor because of the possibility of a stroke or bleed and my risk of clots with the lupus then moved pretty quickly to be watched by the nurse's station. My labs and vital signs were stable and the CT of the head was negative, so they wanted to observe me overnight and have an MRI of the brain the next day. The MRI suggested possible multiple sclerosis, so I had more testing done today and I'll follow up in clinic with both a neurologist and rheumatologist. I'm on steroids to help with the facial numbness and I'm almost able to feel my face again. :) So thank God!
I'll split the "good" news into two pieces, regarding being an RN. First off, so this hospitalization caused me to better place myself in the shoes of my patients... the daily blood draws, the waiting for lab results, for the nurse's aid to bring ice water, scans to be completed, attempting to sleep comfortably with a telemetry monitor attached to my chest and an IV in the bend of my arm, different people coming into your room with not so much warning but a quick knock on the door, for the news of the unknown and not knowing how to best treat it initially... Loss of control in so many aspects. But you also find out just how many people care about you. I received phone calls from friends and families and visits from locals, realizing yet again just how blessed I am. :) And my sweetie spent hours on the road to come be with me. :) The second piece of good news in relation to RN status, is that three months ago, I took the Oncology Certified Nursing exam. I was pleasantly surprised at the end of the test when the four beautiful letters P-A-S-S popped up on the screen. My mouth did indeed drop open, as I struggled through that exam. I guess I could add three more letters to the end of my signature if I so choose. But again, thanks be to God!
And of course we save the best for last of the most exciting news ever. :) I have met and fallen for Russ, the love of my life. He proposed last month in the chapel (in the presence of Christ!) at Bethlehem Farm in southern WV and I of course said yes. :) ( please email if interested in details of the proposal story) We'll be married on May 2, 2009 at Wheeling Jesuit's chapel. He lives and works at the farm, hosting volunteer groups to do home repair and other service projects, promoting sustainability, leading them in prayer and reflection throughout their week here. His work gives him so much energy and adds a lot of meaning to life. He lives in community with 5 amazing people, and we are planning to live in community after we are married. I hit on him at the Bethlehem Farm fundraiser here in Chicago a year ago. While I was initially resistant to long distance dating, a couple months after meeting, we were crazy about each other and fell deeply in love with one another. I have dreamed this kind of love, this kind of gentleman into being. He is all this and more. And again, I am filled with gratitude to God.
In summary, two things have hit me in relation to my faith. First, so when the neurologist called Friday night and shared the MRI result of white spots on my brain, I was okay with it. I already had it in my head that whether it shows to be normal or abnormal, to accept it, knowing that I'd have no power to change it. The first principle and foundation of Ignatian spirituality has been resonating in my heart and mind for awhile... the whole concept of not fixing our desires on the good or the bad, health or sickness, wealth or poverty, a long life or short one, for all things have the potential of calling us into deeper relationship with God. Being hospitalized, I was recently struck once again by the many ways God comes to nurture our faith in any situation. The second piece is just on love. I touched on it a bit earlier, but I've never felt such unconditional concrete love for/from another until there was and is Russ. His love still blows me away and I find myself in tears at times by his incredible love for me and for others. While inpatient, I couldn't help but find myself looking ahead to the future particularly on our wedding day, when we'll profess that we'll be true to each other "in sickness or in health." He's been so supportive with my chronic illnesses and I find myself in disbelief that this amazing guy would drive hundreds of miles, spending hours on the road just to spend time with me post my hospitalization. How did I end up being this lucky, this blessed?? God. :)
Anyhoo, enough for now. I would love to hear updates from each of you!! Hope life is treating you well!!
Love and prayers,
Rochelle
Addendum: So the lupus was actually ruled out. I believe the fibromyalgia to be false, or maybe I just have a high pain tolerance and this ongoing tendency to be in denial. I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis in February 2008 and took Copaxone shots to help treat it for about three years. Now, the MS is being managed by alternative, more holistic ways. I will give endless kudos to my husband, who reminds me "that he saved my life. " ;) I do admit that he is my godsend.
Russ and I didn't actually live in community at the farm, which still worked out for the best. A good friend once told me, "We make plans, and God laughs." We recently celebrated our two year anniversary and will finally be going on our honeymoon in a little over a week. I will add pieces to the story sometime in the future.
