The heartbeat

During our first baby appointment at 9 weeks, our midwife attempted to hear the heartbeat in my lower abdomen with a Doppler, though unsuccessful. She told us not to worry, assuring me and my husband that by the next appointment in 4 weeks, we will definitely hear it. Because we chose to go with a group of OB providers, I would be scheduled with a different provider each time, even though I already made it clear that I preferred midwifery, as long as I remained at low risk. The midwife said she would note my preference in my chart.

Our 13 week appointment started out as expected: check my weight, leave a urine sample, take my blood pressure. But Russ and I were most looking forward to hearing the heartbeat. The OB, who I had heard good things about, said that we probably wouldn't hear the heartbeat, that it's too early. I sat there surprised and in silent shock. I didn't buy his words. He seemed to be in a rush. I left the appointment feeling disappointed and bitter. I felt like it was a waste of time for all. I forget how different the outlook of each provider can and will be.

That following weekend, I shared my experience with my co-workers. Stephanie, one of the nurses, volunteered to use the Doppler to hear the baby's heartbeat for ourselves. She, Elizabeth, also in the pregnancy club, and myself snuck discreetly into our last empty room. We collectively guessed at placing the Doppler in the general abdominal area that the midwife tried weeks prior. We heard my own strong heartbeat pretty easily.

But within minutes, I listened in awe as the faster heartbeat was detected. The baby's heartbeat. I only wish that Russ could have heard.

Charge nursing, bedside nursing, and meralgia paresthetica

Prior to becoming pregnant, my husband and I had discussed the necessity of childcare as we were and still are both planning on working either part or full-time. Now, with Russ working Monday to Friday, I jumped at the opportunity to leave my Monday to Thursday afternoon shifts as charge nurse and work on weekends from Friday to Sunday on the floor as a staff nurse. Working the afternoon shift, I was unable to have quality time and conversation with my love, as I didn’t come home until midnight, at which time he should already be fast asleep. It has been nice to share dinner daily with Russ. I am looking forward to spending four days a week with the baby and husband versus at work. It may sound crazy to anyone who enjoys their weekends off, but in terms of childcare, the only day we would need someone to care for the little one would be Fridays as of right now. Not to mention, working as a weekend premium nurse earns a few bucks more an hour.

Others may question, why would I want to leave my position as charge nurse? I had become jaded with my position as the job priorities are discharge planning, auditing, and of course maintaining order on the floor. While I have been honored to be in this position, I didn’t become a nurse to be a “desk” nurse. I became a nurse to care for those who are sick. I was enthusiastic when my new manager officially offered the job as a weekend premium nurse to me. Dave mentioned that our weekend charge nurse might be leaving to work on another floor soon. He asked me if I would be interested in still being charge. I told him no pretty quickly and easily because I miss bedside nursing.

But perhaps a week or two later, our day charge nurse, our clinical supervisor, and myself requested a meeting with Dave to discuss challenging issues on our floor. I remember becoming almost tearful as he discussed his plans for 6 North and for resolving these issues. It’s been a long time since I had been so encouraged by management. I believe that he will bring positive change to the floor. As I left that meeting, I began to ponder, maybe I should stay as charge nurse on the weekends? That night, I went to bed prayerfully discerning over how I could best be utilized on the floor. In what way was I being called?

A couple days later, Jodi, the main preceptor for the graduate nurses, came to me and questioned why I suddenly decided to go from charge to bedside nursing with this being my first pregnancy. She called me “frail.” I rebutted that label in a good-natured way. She was concerned about the health of the baby and me. I told her the reasons why I didn’t care to be charge anymore, but maybe I should reconsider? Perhaps this was a nudge from the Holy Spirit? I talked to Dave later that afternoon and told him about this conversation I had with Jodi. I had a minor breakdown in his office. I told him the reasons why I did and didn’t want to be a charge nurse. He has told me before that I am management material, not that I care to be in his role at all. He said that if I wanted the weekend charge position that I could have it. This time around, I told him yes pretty easily and quickly. I feel privileged to still be a part of the leadership team.

Weeks go by and I just finished working my first weekend as a staff nurse for now. Thankfully, I was blessed with a good set of patients and their families. On my first 12 hour day shift last week, my right leg started to bother me, but I knew it was because I had spent the majority of those 12 hours either standing or walking. As charge nurse, you do spend a lot of time at the desk, keeping the floor organized and communicating with physicians. If I would stand or take a walk, it would be a short one! But as I played staff nurse that day, I was feeling the pain!

I went home that night, fearing the worst. The pain was in my right thigh. As a cardiac nurse, I feared a blood clot, even though I knew it normally starts in the lower leg. They surely couldn’t do a CT to rule out a pulmonary embolism with iodine in pregnant women? Could they? Do they give heparin to pregnant women? Should I go to the ER that night? Would they have an ultrasound tech available to scan my leg? I couldn’t remember what the midwife told me to do if I had any problems. Maybe call the OB office the next morning? Maybe call my primary physician? I don't like seeing doctors unless absolutely necessary. Could this be one of those times? I didn’t want to tell Russ because I didn’t want him to worry for now. Behind my husband’s back, I immediately began googling what this could possibly be, other than a clot. When I found enough links of pregnant who complained of leg pain problems, I was able to sleep for a few hours.

When I woke up the next morning, my outer right thigh felt numb. Great. Now it's neurological. Could this be an MS flare-up? My gut told me it wasn’t, but I still questioned what it could be. When I googled the problem that morning, I found more promising links of what the numbness could be. I had officially diagnosed myself with meralgia paresthetica, which can be caused by all that walking and standing I was doing as a pregnant staff nurse the previous day. I read that it could best be relieved by rest and certain exercises.

When I saw my primary physician on the floor, I told her about my latest affliction. She listened thoroughly and patiently. She told me that it is something called meralgia paresthetica, that it was normal during pregnancy, and that it would go away eventually. I was so excited that I assumed the correct diagnosis, you know, being only a nurse. As my physician agreed on the diagnosis, I was fully reassured. Not a clot. Not MS. Just another pregnancy symptom.